E.
is not looking at me. He talks about leyow
trains or something else. It took five minutes for C. and I to understand, and
she made me her It-won’t-be-ok face. Come
on baby, let’s play together. Let’s arrange cars and plane in regular lines,
but certainly not animals. Animals are living things, it’s scary. Seriously,
what do you expect me to do with a simple purple sheep? This child goes vroum
vroum and miou miou. He repeats everything I can say, with deformations. He
uses my hand as a part of the game, not considering that it is linked to the
rest of my body. His legs stay immobile when I take him into my arms, without
resistance or help. It is just like that. And nothing is better or worse.
In
an unexpected impulse, E. realizes that I exist in the world. I was looking
somewhere else (packing away useless test material) when I felt a little hand
clumsily grabbing mine.
Then,
he roughly pulled me to him, and finally released.
This
child will stay in my mind, as my first fortress wall. Calling me Ouwdi.
